We'll Have a Gay Old Time?

So I just finished watching an episode of "30 Days" on same-sex marriage. To be as concise as possible, a housewife and mother of two kids who is opposed to gay marriage and gay adoption rights spends 30 days in the home of two gay men and their four adopted children. Because I have an absolutely terrible short-term memory, let's called this woman Sheila, and the gay couple Tom and Dennis (though I believe those are actually the men's names. At least Tom is right, I know). Naturally, Sheila is outside of her comfort zone, and ideally, Tom and Dennis and Sheila would have a chance to understand each other better and they would all leave enlightened by the end of the month. In a normal episode of this show, that would usually happen. Not this time.

Like many who oppose gay marriage, Sheila's opposition is rooted in religious beliefs. Tom and Dennis spend the month trying through numerous ways to convince her that gay parents are capable of being just as successful parents as straight parents. The children are overall very happy and healthy, the parents love the kids and each other, the house is well-maintained, they live in a safe neighborhood, and they have a dog. Sheila even begins to admit that she respects what Tom and Dennis are doing and that love, support, guidance, good values, and appropriate rules (qualities that she feels are important to the structure of a family) are all being implemented very successfully. Tom and Dennis feel they're making progress.

One day, Sheila meets with two adults who were foster children for their entire lives. The two explain their childhoods to Sheila, how one of them slept in her shoes and coat because of being moved from home to home on a frequent basis, how the other grew up in one of the most dangerous urban neighborhoods in the city, during which time his mother was shot and after which one of the houses he grew up in was firebombed. Both of them assure that gay couple or straight, foster children need homes. Any stable home and family is better than having to live in fear for at least the first 18 years of your life. Sheila is moved to tears.


Another day, Sheila meets with a gay rights advocacy group called C.A.R.E. and speaks with one lesbian (let's call her Sarah) who shares her story about how her partner, with whom she had a child, decided to kick her out of the baby's life. Since Sarah's child was technically her partner's biological child, and not her own, Sarah did not have any custody rights over the child, and the child who knew Sarah as his own mother never saw her again. Because Sarah and her partner were not legally allowed to marry, Sarah lost her child, her child lost one of her parents, and Sarah's partner got away with something horrible. And is it at this point in the episode where I start to acquire the desire to rip Sheila's head from her body and feed it to a pack of wolves. After hearing Sarah's story, Sheila exclaims, "I feel so sorry for you! That story breaks my heart! But you know, you could have avoided this situation if you just decided to not have a child in the first place and raise it in a lesbian sort of environment."

I will admit that when I was younger, I was uneasy about the prospect of two men or two women getting married, more or less having children. It has nothing to do with religious beliefs, but more to do with the fact that gay people in the media are usually portrayed as floaty, bubbly sex-puppets or buzz-cut brawns who build houses and growl at people (which is funnily enough just like straight people if you switch the genders). However, I grew up. I met gay people, some of them floaty, and others who were a thousand times more intelligent than me and every bit as responsible and hard-working. While I can never see myself engaging in raunchy activities with someone of the same sex, I couldn't give a crap if other people did it, as long as it was behind closed doors =P

And here's where I don't understand Sheila one bit. Although she claims to admit that she can see gay people being responsible parents, how she can see that a gay household would be better than living in increasingly crowded foster care where your house is likely to be bombed, she still opposes gay marriage and gay adoption. Why? Her religious beliefs. At numerous times during the show, Sheila either insinuated or flat-out said that her anti-homosexual religious beliefs are "in [her] heart, the right beliefs" and "a gut feeling." Her religion and her gut tell her that homosexuality is a sin, that gay marriage is a sin, despite the overwhelming evidence that gays CAN raise kids, and that with the overwhelming number of foster kids, that gays NEED to raise kids. Countless times, Sheila confronted a group of gay couples stating "my beliefs tell me that gay marriage is wrong," and when questioned "why do you feel so strongly about that" or "how do you know your belief is right against all other beliefs," she storms away, offended and insisting that everybody 'attacked her.' This same woman speaks to Dennis and Tom the next day, when Dennis calmly says to Sheila, "I like you, and I respect your right to disagree. But your disagreement, when put into action by voting against gay marriage, infringes on my right to raise a family and could potentially aid in the effort to break up the families of gay couples everywhere. If you vote to tear our lives apart, we can't be friends." Her response: "But your vote FOR gay marriage infringes on my beliefs, so I have a right to vote against you" and "I don't know why you take this so personally."

There was some segments in this episode in which several people oppose gay marriage for non-religious reasons. In one segment, a woman who was raised by a gay father describes the perils of having a dad who was sexually open to a frightening degree. He would bring home partners and calmly discuss very inappropriate sexual activity at the dinner table. This man also brought his daughter to sex shops and tried to make her feel very open and free about sex. Understandably, this left some pretty deep emotional scars, and she suppressed her emotions for most of her life. Her traumatic childhood has led her to become opposed to gay marriage and gay couples raising children. A man in a different segment pointed out some statistics about how homosexuals are generally more AIDS and HIV-infested and how gay men and women are more sexually promiscuous, either in public or in private.

My thoughts on the episode? I was sincerely hoping that 30 days in a stable, gay family would change her views. I was highly disappointed. Her views on gay marriage "infringing on her beliefs" is absolutely bullshit in my opinion. Yes, I believe in the right to respectfully disagree on certain issues. However, I would hope that ideally this disagreement would stop at something like what kind of tax system to implement or whether or not universal health care is necessary. I draw the line when it's a battle of I-want-to-marry-someone-I-love-and-have-a-family versus Gays-are-icky-and-make-me-uncomfortable. The woman has nothing to lose besides irrationally worrying that gays are going to start roaming the streets f***ing 24/7 and that God will burn the Earth down to the ground for letting gays marry.

Which brings me to my next point: the religious argument. I do NOT want to trash any body's religion, but the Bible probably has thousands of interpretations all across the world, and even this country. There are die-hard Christians who claim that the Bible is not against homosexuality, or that the Bible is a 2000-plus year old collection of scripts that needed to be interpreted appropriately to a society that has made evolutions in science and civil rights. For this woman to have the gall to claim that her view is undoubtedly the right one just because she believes it so strongly isn't holy or godly. It's stubborn and arrogant. What does religion do? It teaches people to be moral citizens. It teaches respect for thy neighbor. It teaches how to give, how to thank, and how to live virtuously. Does this woman really think that Jesus Christ would advocate such hatred or even disrespect for a group of people who's only sin is trying to marry the one they truly love? I personally don't see Jesus marching a protest line holding a sign that says "God Hates Fags." From what I've heard of the man, it seems to contradict the very morals of love and peace that he stands for.

This country isn't a theocracy. It's a democracy which is just populated by a high percentage of Christians who oppose gay marriage. According to Christianity, I'm going to hell. I'm agnostic and don't accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I am therefore a sinner. Should I be barred from marriage? What about my Muslim friends? Leave religious reasons out of the voting process. Be responsible. Carefully ask yourself, "Am I voting this way because the other option just makes me a tad uncomfortable, or will my vote genuinely impact the safety, security, and well-being of my family and the country as a whole?" Yes, the stats say that sexual promiscuity is more common among homosexuals. The stats also say that black people commit more gun-murders than other races. Some stats also say that white men rape women more than black people do. Do we bar black people from owning guns and chop off every white man's penis? Of course not! Also, look at it this way: marriage is an institution of a monogamous relationship. The two partners are expected to love each other, care for each other, and remain faithful. What do you think a relationship like that would do to the stats? My best guess is that this "sexual promiscuity" will start to decrease. Treat gays like common citizens, and many of them will act like common citizens. Treat them like second-class sex animals, and many of them will act like second-class sex animals.

The bottom line is that being gay does not necessarily affect a person's ability to form a loving relationship and raise a good family. There will be gay families that fail at doing that, much like there are straight families who fail. The solution is not to discriminate based on sexual orientation. Instead, we let people marry who they want and hold everyone to the same standards. Punish those who abuse or neglect their kids. Reward those who love their kids. Our society needs to look beyond the "icky" factor caused by either the media or religion. If your religion says don't marry your own sex, then don't do it. But learn to accept people for who they are and don't use your religion or discomfort to deprive potential parents to give either their own kids or destitute foster kids a chance for a better life.

God does NOT hate "fags." That's my two cents.